Alternative Right assistant editor Andy Nowicki delivers a solemn and deeply reverential "spoken word" rendition of "My Sex Junk," Rachel Bloom's manifesto of polymorphous perversity-positivity and scientifically-verified genderfluid normalcy, as first performed to great acclaim on "Bill Nye Saves the World."
"My Sex Junk" lyrics:
This one goes out to all my bipeds who identify as ladies!This world of ours, is full of choiceBut must I choose between only John or Joyce?Are my options only hard or moist?My vagina has its own voice. Not vocal chords, a metaphorical voice.
(Sometimes I do a voice for my vagina, please don't tell me I'm the only one who does that!)
'Cause my sex junk is so oh oh oh much more than either or or or!
Power bottom, or a top off. Versatile love may have some butt stuff!It's evolution ain't nothin' new, there's nothin' taboo about a sex stewJust add salt or Gerard Depardieu (French treasure)'Cause my sex junk is so oh oh oh! Much more than either or or or!If they're alive I'll date'em, Channing or Jenna TatumI'm down for anything, don't box in my box!Give someone new a handy, then give yourself props
"Oh you're such a smartie. Did you learn gay in college?"Chill with all of that while I drop some knowledge!Sexuality's a spectrum, everyone is on it. Even you might like it if you sit up on it.Drag queen, drag king, just do what feels right...You're tall, pansexual, flirty wood sprite!Who enjoys a fleshlight in the cold moonlight?
"With a sad clown Skypin' via satellite?"Damn skippy, homeslice! Sing it with me all night!Sex how you want it it's your g**damn right!
'Cause my sex junk is so oh oh oh! Much more than either or or orGet off your soapbox! Get off your soapbox! My sex junk's better than bagels and loxWith lots of schmear...
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